It’s that time of the year again: we can officially start counting down to Decembetch, the betchiest month of the year. While we’re pretty excited about all the excuses to black out and all the holiday parties to buy hot dresses for, we also need to figure out how the fuck to stay warm when the temperature drops. Unbetchy losers take winter as an excuse to look ugly, gain weight, and wear frumpy clothes. We take it as another opportunity to go shopping for new shit.
Here are the five items every betch needs to not look like the second coming of the abominable snowman, but still not freeze to death.
1) Long coat (Aka Parka)
Your coat of choice must have some kind of belt that accentuates your waist so you don’t look like a mom picking her up her kids from school. Absolutely NEVER pair this with Uggs because then you will look worse than the mom mentioned above. Fur trim on the hood mandatory.
2) Over the knee boots
Slim out your legs and make you feel extra betchy when you walk around in them like you run shit. Not to mention keep you warm, especially when worn with leg warmers peeking out of the top. Yes, leg warmers are back. No, you can’t wear them with anything but tall boots.
3) Gloves you can text in
How else are you going to screenshot that text your most recent SAB just sent you in the middle of a snowstorm?
4) A shit load of infinity scarves
Get them in every color possible because they’re so easy to match with anything so the mornings you’re hungover after Tequila Thursday and can barely make it out the door will be made ten times easier with this genius product. You can even pretend it’s a pillow when you’re busy not doing work at work and take a nap.
5) A thermos full of mulled cider
To warm you up and help you get drunk when it’s negative 5 degrees out and you’re really not in the fucking holiday spirit.