1. Walking the Wrong Way Out of a Crowded Elevator.
When this happens, you have two options:
1. Wait until the elevator closes to turn around, OR
2. Look like a doofus walking back past all your elevator buddies. Oh HAI.
3. When Your Favorite Song Comes on the Radio and You Crank it Up, Only to Realize it’s Just a Commercial.
4. Waking Up Five Minutes Before Your Alarm.
You mean I could have gotten THREE-HUNDRED extra seconds of sleep?!
5. Not Being Able to Open the Salsa Jar.
Seriously, one time I had to throw away the jar completely. No one I knew could open it!
6. Blowdrying/Straightening/Chemically Treating/Laboring-in-General-Over Your Hair Only to be Hit by Torrential Downpour as You Walk to the Car.
God, you owe me $66.
7. REAAAAALLY Cold Movie Theaters.
Not even Dicaprio can distract me when it’s forty-five degrees in AMC. Like, really, were their test audiences polar bears or something?
8. Having to Pee During a Traffic Jam.
Find me a woman who can “just use a water bottle,” and I will personally pay you a trillion billion dollars.
9. Swiping Right When You Meant to Swipe Left.
And getting a pop up: “Congrats! You have a new match!”
10. Thinking it’s Thursday All Day When it’s Just Tuesday.
How could you be so stupid?
12. Grocery Shopping When You’re Hungry
This may not seem like a bad idea. Actually it may seem like a genius idea. But when you awaken from your crazed binge to learn you only bought popchips, sushi, almonds, one apple, a latke, and a frozen pizza, you’ll be really mad at yourself for forgetting the basics.
13. Heating Up (and Waiting for) Food in the Microwave, Just to Discover You Didn’t Put it in Long Enough.
(That last part? That’s what she said.)
Also, on the flipside, burnt popcorn.
14. Learning that the Two-Hour Meeting You Have Today Will be Led by the Slowest, Most Monotonous Talker of All Time.
Sooooo Ben Stine.